


The Price of Knowing

by Elliephant1018



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Politics, Angst, Apocalypse, Bad Decisions, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Existentialism, First Contact, Gen, Non-Graphic Violence, Nuclear Weapons, Other, POV Alternating, Psychological Trauma, Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Self-Harm, Space Flight, Suicide, Suspense, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20467856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliephant1018/pseuds/Elliephant1018
Summary: Everything costs something. This is the last thing I'll write, I don't care if it's correct. I've seen wonders and terrors. All of it is pointless without everyone I love. I didn't know when I set out that I would be an unlucky survivor. No one will be able to read this. I'm done. I'm gone. I hope I go where they're going. Please. Please. Please. I hope.





	The Price of Knowing

July 17th, 1967

I awoke to the cries of the baby and Emma’s softly singing voice attempting to soothe him back to sleep. The clock beside my bed read 4:36, almost time to get up anyway. Might as well go see if she needs any help.  
My legs swing heavily over the side of the bed and I pull myself to my feet, already mostly awake. The house was still dark and silent save for the gentle coos of my wife and the now joyous cries of our son, the floorboards creak as I cross the hallway and Emma turns to see me approach.  
“Did we wake you?” She whispered.  
“No.” I lied, “How is he?”  
She smiled, “Just a little hungry.” His eyes were fluttering shut as his hands grabbed for nothing in particular and she lay him gently into the crib. “You should be sleeping, big day tomorrow.”  
“Big day today.” I corrected her.  
She rolled her eyes, pecked me on the lips and then pulled me into an embrace. “I’m going to miss you. We are going to miss you.”  
I kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be back before you know it.”  
“I don’t know…Two years is a long time Lee.” She whispered, “He’ll be a toddler when you come back. If you come back!”  
“I know that! I think about it every day. But the council-”  
“Yeah, I’ve heard it a thousand times!” Her voice raised slightly and Adam stirred in his crib, “The council surveyed the globe and you are the most qualified, yadda yadda yadda. Well, the council didn’t think about your family when they made their decision I can promise you that!” Her eyes welled up with tears,."It’s not fair Leland, you might die up there and none of them would give a good God damn about the broken family you left behind!”  
“Shhh shhhh,” I hushed her, “Don’t wake the boy. The council may not have had you in mind, but I did. I’m doing this for us Emma, two short years and we’ll have enough to live comfortably and put him through college.”  
She began to cry into my chest. “But you could die Leland.”  
I hugged her tighter, “I’m not going to die. We’ve done the tests, everything will go as planned.”  
She was silent for a moment. “Promise me you’ll be back.”  
“I promise.” 

\---------------------------------

I wasn’t fully awake until the coffee finally hit my system. Although I wasn’t totally sold on “Atomic This” and “Atomic That”, these new-age Proto-coffee pots really are worth the extra dough. All-in-all, I think anyone with a brain can agree that the denuclearization of the United Nations was a step in the right direction, but the aggressive adaptation of atomic power to common house appliances still has me wary. After the utter destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, anything atomic automatically causes me at least a brief moment of hesitation, fully expecting my kitchen, my family, my house, the block, the neighborhood, this district, the state, all consumed in the indiscriminate hell-fire of an atomic bomb. I still feel that brief hesitation everytime I hit the “Brew” button, but I gotta admit it makes a helluva cup a joe.  
I was enjoying my last newspaper for two years when Emma entered the room carrying Adam, she was no longer crying but it was obvious that she wasn’t far from starting again. I had been dreading this goodbye since the day the Director himself originally described the mission for me. “A feat, the likes of which the world has never seen before.” Hmpf, big words for the suit sitting safely behind a desk, but the payment, the recognition, and dare I say it the fame of such an achievement was impossible to deny. I didn’t lie to Emma when I told her I had made the decision for our family, $5,800,000 and countless accolades for a mission complete would allow us to live very well for decades. My boy would never go to bed hungry, he’d have an education and be set on a course for success if I had anything to do with it.  
Emma sat at the table nursing Adam, before her sat black coffee and dry toast.  
“Anything good?” She asked, nodding toward the paper.  
I showed her the front page which read:  
KENNEDY ADMINISTRATION, IN COOPERATION WITH HEAD OF SOVIET UNION BREHZNEV, TO SEND FIRST MANNED CRAFT TO ORBIT EARTH IN AN ASTONISHING DISPLAY OF COOPERATION.  
Her eyes were wet again, “Looks like you’re famous.” She said dryly.  
I set the paper down and lay my hands over hers, “I will come back to you. I will come back to him.” She had heard the conviction in my voice and began to cry once more. She didn’t sob or weep, the lines running down her face were the stinging tears of defeat.  
Adam fussed and needed to be burped, I offered to take him from her while she regained her composure and she accepted my help. I pushed back from the table and took my son and a towel from her, I decided to give her some space so we meandered through our modest home, touching Emma’s plants and flowers, looking at family photos, trying to make him smile. I had gently flown him around like an airplane and he was giggling in my arms when we stopped in front of my degrees that were framed on the walls, an M.D. in Physics from MIT and a P.H.D. in Astrophysics from Harvard University, all those years in school, weeks spent studying, nights spent dreaming about the stars, the endless labs and experiments, that cursed thesis… All of it led to today.  
God I hope I don’t fuck this up.  
Adam burped and vomited a little on the towel, Emma returned and took him back, I took the towel to the sink and washed it off. The sun was rising and the sky was clear, there would be no launch delays today. This is really it.  
“Leland.”  
I turned to look at my wife, she had set Adam into his highchair and was holding out my coat, hat and briefcase. “I know I can’t stop you from doing this, just…”  
I smiled, took my things, and kissed her on the lips. “You know you always keep me coming back for more,” I said, “I’ll be back before you know it.” I kissed Adam on the top of his peach-like head and told him how much I love him and will miss him. I donned my hat and coat and kissed Emma one final time before closing the door behind me.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

All employees are required to live within twenty-five miles of UNASA so my commute only takes ten minutes, twelve on a bad day. I pass the first sign reading: “United Nations Aeronautics and Space Administration” and marvel to myself at how quickly things have progressed after that Oswald guy’s botched assassination. I mean, how stupid do ya gotta be to try and shoot the goddamn president? Oswald disgusted the American people, myself included, and changed our leader forever. The stray bullet had killed Jackie and pushed Kennedy over the edge. The white house flipped it’s stance on the stalemate with the USSR seemingly overnight, “Yes sir, America is standing down and deactivating all nuclear missiles, I sure hope the big bad Reds don’t vaporize us!” People took to the streets, some were calling for Kennedy’s head, how could he do this to us? We wouldn’t survive a week! But as it turns out we didn’t have to wait that long, in under seventy-two hours Khrushchev shattered the world’s expectations by following Kennedy’s suit and deactivating all active nuclear missiles. Within six months, production of safe and efficient atomic batteries began, after eighteen months every house ran on atomic power. Technological breakthroughs and a nearly pacifist global position makes me feel like I’m now living on another planet.  
I was worried when Brezhnev took over, a whole bunch of us were. He was a wild card and nobody was sure if he would play nice in our newfounded cooperation, but he did. Under his recommendation, US and USSR businesses and organizations merged in order to “achieve more through cooperative efforts.” Thus NASA became UNASA. It’s great and all but man is it a headache too.  
I pulled up to the security station and stopped at the barrier, I held up my badge and the guard waved me in. I was surprised to see a stranger working the booth, as mornings were almost exclusively Andy’s, but I had bigger things to focus on so I let it go.  
I parked my car and entered the elevator, three chatting technicians entered with me.  
“-least an hour to purge the oxygen, Shaun that’s on you and for God’s sake be careful around that much oxygen, a single spark could blow out half the compound.” One of the technicians was listening intently to the taller man while the other, Shaun presumably, stared at me.  
“Hey, you’re the guy!” Shaun said, much to the dismay of his superiors.  
A little embarrassed, I respond, “Uh, yeah. I’m the guy.”  
“Great!” The taller technician barked, “Saul Simmons, nice to meet ya. With all due respect mister, we’re all doin’ this so you make it up there safely, but this kid has enough distractions as it is. Right Shaun? Shaun!”  
“Right, sir.”  
I shook his hand, “Sorry to interfere, but uh Shaun, my life depends on if you listen to that man, so do me a favor and pay attention.”  
“It’s advice like that that makes him the big bucks” The taller man smacked Shaun on the back and laughed. We came to a stop a couple floors up and I exited the elevator.  
I entered a long, dull, concrete hallway at the end of which was a door with bright light seeping out from beneath it. I walked down the echoing hallway, my eyes never leaving the thin sliver of light. A small part of me thinks; ‘Okay, this is it. This is the day you die, you’ll leave behind a widow and a fatherless child with hardly enough to keep them going for five years.’ The rational part of my mind knew this was nonsense and did its best to subdue the intrusive thoughts but as time wore on, this proved to be more and more difficult. This was an incredible opportunity to make history and there was no time for worrying over that which I cannot control. Or so I told myself, but I don’t think I fully believed it. I opened the door.  
The room was a strange mixture of locker room and break room, in the far corner my spacesuit hangs in the containment pod, a tv and a couch allow me to check in on the news before launch, the sweet aroma of a fresh pot of coffee greets me, and a tall blonde woman with a clipboard seemed to have already poured herself a cup. She looked up at the sound of my bag hitting the sofa.  
“Hey there spaceman.” She pointed at the coffee pot, “Help yourself, it’s fresh.”  
I laugh and pour myself a cup, “Spaceman huh? So what does that make you then? Space cadet?”  
“Only if you don’t fudge up space travel for the rest of us.” Jane replied with a wink.  
I glanced at the clock then at the space suit, “Do I have time to enjoy this?”  
“Considering you’re actually on time for once, yeah. We don’t need you suited up for another half hour.” I nodded in approval and we both sat in silence for a moment before she broke it. “You’re really gonna do this huh?”  
“Nope, I just came in to tell you to find another man.” She raised her eyebrows at me, “‘Course I’m ready Jane, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this. I just wish my hands would stop shaking so bad.” I held up a trembling hand and smiled.  
She laid her hand gently over mine, “Pre-launch nerves are to be expected.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
“Oh!” She interjected, “I forgot to tell you the good news!”  
“Christ Jane I don’t know, the last good news you told me got me into a week long fight with the wife.” Without my knowledge, Jane had put my name in the hat for this endeavor. When she came to me two months afterwards, Emma nearly had a heart attack, she was still pregnant and fixin’ to burst at any moment. I forced her to sit down so we could talk things out but she wasn’t having any of it and continued to pace the room until she fell asleep out of pure exhaustion.  
“Don’t worry, nothing quite so dramatic this time.” She reached into her bag and brought out what appeared to be a walkie-talkie. I smirked.  
“What? You didn’t bring two cans and a really long string?”  
She popped a panel off the side of the device and a gentle green glow emanated from behind reinforced glass. “It’s atomic, asshole. I’ll be able to keep in contact with you for a while.”  
“Really? How far?” I asked, intrigued.  
“Well I don’t know for certain, but if my quick math is right then I should be able to hear you past the atmosphere.”  
“That’s incredible Jane! Where’d you get that?”  
She leaned in close as if to divulge a dangerous secret, “R and D prototype, those nerds whip up some crazy stuff.” I smiled, “Of course,” she continues, “If Command hails you, I’m overridden immediately but,” she paused, “ I figured you wouldn’t want to do this completely alone. I’ll be right here if you need me.”  
I pulled her into a hug and thanked her.  
“Come on, let’s get you suited up.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Jane had just finished suiting me up when the PA system came to life; “Attention. First and second stage fuel oxidation complete. Doctor Leland Scott to the launch bay. We’re ready for you sir.” With a click and a pop, the PA was silent once more.  
Jane slapped me companionably on the back, though I barely felt it through the layers of my space-suit. “Time for your big press reveal.”  
“Oh God, I forgot.” My shoulders slumped in a childlike display. “Do I have to?”  
Jane laughed, “You’ll literally rocket yourself into the heavens with no certainty of survival, but you won’t parade in front of the press for a maximum of fifteen minutes? You keep finding new ways to amaze me Dr. Scott.”  
“You know I hate that.”  
“Right, sorry. Leland, we can’t delay any longer.”  
“What? Me? Delay? Never. Stalling though? Probably.” She shot me a wry smile, “I’m sorry, must be those pre-flight jitters.” I shook out my hands and followed her out of the room and back down the long hallway to the elevator. The doors closed and this time there were no other passengers.  
“You’re gonna do great, I know it.” She whispered.  
I dreaded our next, undoubtedly quick conversation but it had to be said.  
“If I don’t Jane-”  
“You will.”  
“Yeah, sure. But if I don’t Jane. Emma and... and Adam…” I trailed off.  
Her hand squeezed my arm through the suit, this time I had no problem feeling it. “I know Leland. I’ll watch over them. I promise.” I nodded. We rode the rest of the way in silence.  
The doors dinged and opened on the main lobby of the Houston UNASA compound, bright lights immediately assaulted my eyes from all sides. My eyes adjusted and could make out the darkened masses of maybe two hundred or more people, at least fifteen of which were holding lights, eight holding cameras, and eight others holding blocky microphones at me in an almost threatening manner.  
“Doctor Scott! How are you feeling about the mission?”  
“Doctor! Doctor! There’s rumors of sabotage from the USSR contributions to the project, care to comment?”  
“Hey! Scott! That thing come with an industrial parachute? Those Ruskies will blow you to pieces!”  
Countless other questions and statements came hurtling at me leaving me stunned and completely overwhelmed. Jane had looped her arm through mine and started forward, getting me moving. I didn’t answer any questions but the comment about sabotage had landed a blow. There were internal rumors of sabotage from the USSR contributions, many believed that since it was an American man to receive all the fame and glory for the mission, that they could make a fool of America as a whole with a failure. Ridiculous. The Soviets had poured equal blood, sweat, and tears into this project. Maybe even more than the Americans. Paparazzi propaganda bullshit.  
The front doors were open, and UNASA’s current Head Director, James E. Webb, stood waiting for me, arms held wide. I had rare encounters with this man that Kennedy himself appointed, as he was constantly concerned with more important things, but right now I have one hundred percent of his attention. I embraced him.  
The crowd quieted.  
“Leland.” Webb said fondly. Raising his voice, he continued, “Today, this man will make history!” The crowd applauded, “Through the cooperative efforts of the Soviet Union and the United States of America, this man will enter orbit. A feat the likes of which would never be accomplished by two countries at war. Let today serve as an example of the power of cooperation not only for our two great countries, but for the betterment of Man.” The crowd cheered, reporters pressed forward, cameras flashed, and before I knew it, I was riding in the back of a limo. Alone. It was unnervingly quiet. I chuckled to myself and figured I better get used to the idea of being alone.  
The speaker in my earpiece crackled to life, “Testing, 1, 2. Hiya Lee.”  
“Hey Jane, can you hear me?”  
“Loud and clear, that went well back there. Minus your ‘deer in the headlights’ look.”  
The limo driver rolled down the barrier window. “You say somethin’ Doc?”  
“Uh, no. It’s nothing.”  
The barrier rolled back up.  
I whispered, “Yeah I don’t like crowds. How sensitive is this mic? I don’t wanna look like I’m a schizo...”  
Jane whispered back, “Pretty damn sensitive.”  
Impressive. Atomic walkie-talkies, Jesus what’s next.  
It was a short ride to the launch site, I exited the car and stood at the base of the rocket that I would ride into the heavens, as Jane so eloquently put it. I couldn’t help but wonder if this rocket would be my salvation or my tomb. There was a persistent aching in my stomach which suggested the latter.  
“She’s beautiful aint she?” A squat man in a hardhat asked.  
“Somethin’ like that.” I replied. “I’m to follow you then?”  
“Yes sir, that’s right. Just up this elevator and then it’s all up to you from there.”  
I nodded and followed him.  
The rocket stood over one hundred-ten metres on top of the immense launch pad, from which I could see many figures milling about. A scaffolding-like elevator stood alongside the rocket and we walked toward the base of it. The stout man gestured toward the elevator in an “after you” gesture.  
I held out my hand and he eagerly shook it.  
“Good luck sir.”  
“Thank you.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

I entered the elevator and began my ascension. I keyed my microphone, “On my way up Jane.” Red scaffolding rolled past the window as the sheer immensity of the rocket finally hit me. This thing’s the size of a small skyscraper. Still no response from Jane. “Don’t tell me your fancy ass walkie talkie couldn’t even make it to the top of the rocket.” Still nothing. Well, so much for a little companionship along the way, I’d be lying if I said this didn’t upset me. The elevator stopped ten metres from the top, the doors opened and I could hear the wind whipping past. A strong wave of vertigo overcame me and for a moment I was sure that I would vomit. Wouldn’t that be a nightmare in a space-suit? I hope I never have to find out how bad it really is. I never had a particular fear of heights, but believe me, anyone up that high in a clunky space-suit would be afraid of being blown off the thin walkway to the rocket. I took a deep breath and pressed forward.  
At the same time, my ears were assaulted by a vicious gust of wind and Jane’s voice, “-on’t tell me this thing is broken. Those nerds promised me it would deliver.” I reached the door to the command module, turned the large black valve and the door opened with a hiss. I stepped in, closed the door behind me and it sealed with a satisfying chunk and hiss!  
“I’m right here Jane, I lost you in the elevator.” I replied, taking in my surroundings. The command chair was positioned in front of an array of colored buttons, switches, and knobs. It was identical to the boards that I had been practicing on for nearly a year. The walls were lined with cabinets and panels, little blinking lights dotted the walls and ceiling. There were no windows to see through, not yet. The main command platform will move into position once it’s time to launch and the display windows will open. After I reach orbit, I am free to move the command platform as I see fit, in the “up” position for communications only as I wouldn’t dare touch the auto-pilot and risk dropping out of orbit, or in the “down” position where my sleeping chambers, lavatory, kitchen, and labs are all stored in panels along the walls. The rocket truly was an engineering masterpiece. I was in awe.  
“In the elevator? That’s weird..” I heard distant voices and a brief conversation between Jane and another person. “Lead.”  
“I’m sorry?”  
“Lead. The elevator’s scaffolding is mostly lead, I was able to hear you but the lead stopped any signal from getting in.” Jane said.  
“Wait, you could hear me? Why wouldn’t the lead stop my transmissions as well?”  
“I don’t know Leland, the properties of atomically enhanced radio waves is still under research, this is a prototype remember?”  
“Yeah, okay.” I said and took my seat in the command chair. I buckled myself in and the speaker in my right ear crackled to life.  
“Doctor Scott, this is Command Control do you read? Over.” Said a tinny man’s voice.  
“Yes sir and you might as well call me Leland. Over.”  
“Well Leland, our boys are ready to begin running diagnostics on the re-entry systems, vehicle control unit, and supply unit. If you could move the command platform into launch position, we will be ready to go in approximately one hour. Over.” There was a thin layer of static over the man’s voice, not enough to obscure what he was saying but it wasn’t something I had not heard in Jane’s radio. By this time next year, all of UNASA’s radios would be atomic, of that I’m sure. At the rate things are going, it will be an entirely new world by the time I get back. I pressed a lever to my left and the command platform ascended and rotated so my back was now to the ground. The display windows opened and I could see a cloudless bright blue sky.  
“In position Command, over.” I said.  
“Copy, sit back and relax. You’re going to hear a lot of whirs and a few bangs but I assure you everything is fine. If you need anything just ring. Over.” The thin layer of static cut out and there was a deafening silence in the rocket. I wondered what Emma was doing right now, probably watching the news and playing with the boy, more than likely on the phone with her mother. Though I’m not a particularly religious man, I sent a silent prayer for her peace of mind.  
The silence was broken as a series of hisses issued from below me, followed by the sound of fluids rushing past me in the walls.  
“How are those pre-launch jitters?” Jane asked from my left earpiece.  
“Just fine until you mentioned it. Thanks a million.” I replied.  
“You know me, always one to crash a party. I’m on my way to th-”  
“T-minus forty-five minutes to launch Leland. Over.” In my right ear.  
“-at I’ll be with you as long as I can.” Jane finished.  
“Copy Command, Over. I’m sorry Jane, Command cut you off, where are you on your way to?” I said, switching my comms mid-sentence.  
“I had some friends rig me up a simple observation unit so I can keep my own tabs on you as long as we can maintain contact. None of them have a concrete estimation on the distance this radio can maintain, so who knows! Maybe it’ll hold in orbit… Maybe I could hand it over to Emma and she can-”  
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I don’t want to get my hopes up for something like that. Let’s take it as it comes.” I interrupted.  
“Right. You know me, always the optimist.” She laughed nervously. “You have to tell me everything when you get back Lee. The things I’d do to see Earth from orbit…”  
I paused for a moment, “Why suggest me then? We both know you could do this mission in your sleep, why wouldn’t you apply for it yourself?” Jane laughed a full-bellied laugh.  
“What world are you living in Lee? The first man in space being the first woman in space?!” She laughed again, “The republicans would shit a brick. You are the obvious choice here. Yeah, I probably could run this mission in my sleep but they’d never have it. So it has to be you. Don’t feel guilty for being where you are Leland, you deserve every bit of it. Try to find some peace before it’s time.”  
I nodded, realizing how pointless of a gesture that was over radio and responded in acknowledgement. I spent the next forty minutes listening to the various sections being tested and ventilated. In my mind, I went over the launch controls repeatedly and I was one hundred percent certain that I would provide no human error to the mission. My preparations were interrupted by another message from Command:  
“T-minus three minutes to launch Leland, are there any last minute questions or concerns that we can address at this time? Over.”  
“Will this flight come with a full meal or just the peanuts? Over.” I could hear tinny laughter through his microphone and I smiled.  
“Actually sir, the peanuts are in the dry food storage below you, enjoy a bag afterwards, over.” I could hear him smiling as he said this.  
A helicopter flew far over the top of the rocket, probably a news chopper trying to get a view of me before launch. I wondered if Emma was watching me right now. I waved.  
“T-minus two minutes sir, over.”  
A heavy rumble issued through the rocket as the main engines whirred to life. I triple-checked my restraints and let out a deep sigh. I held my hands before my face and they were trembling worse than ever.  
“T-minus sixty seconds, over.”  
“Here we go Jane.” I said.  
“Godspeed Lee.” She replied.  
“T-minus thirty seconds, over.”  
The rumbling beneath me grew exponentially, it reverberated in my chest and made my heart feel as though it were bouncing around in my ribcage.  
“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Lift off!”  
My vision blurred, my teeth clacked against each other, and I was pressed into my seat as the engines achieved full thrust. I heard something from Jane but the deafening roar of the rocket completely overwhelmed her voice, I tried to respond but it was impossible to open my mouth, let alone move, so I gave up on the radio. The view through the display windows didn’t appear to change yet I could clearly feel the acceleration of the rocket. It felt as though an elephant had decided to take a nap on top of my chest, my lungs would not inflate completely, my head felt as though it would burst as the inside of the rocket achieved over two times normal gravity. The baby blue sky steadily darkened, now a royal blue on its way to becoming the deep indigo of the outer atmosphere. My vision was darkening around the edges as the blood rushed to my head, I was positive I would pass out when I heard the loud KACHUNK! of the support engines detaching which released almost all of the unbearable pressure and I was able to move once more. I monitored the systems and found no major faults, the overall thrust seemed to cause a little more stress on the outer hull than we had expected, but I was in no danger from it collapsing. An intense feeling of vertigo overcame me as I floated out of my chair, now held in solely by the full body restraints. A detached thought flew through my mind as I got to work on the board of dials and switches before me; ‘Leland Scott, the first flying man.’ and I smiled despite myself. The autopilot systems kept me on my course, I drifted towards the planet at the perfect angle for orbit and I manually vented systems which were overheating. The next seven minutes were surprisingly uneventful as the guidance systems let out tiny bursts of propellant and drifted us lazily into a perfect orbit of planet Earth. Everything had gone off without a hitch. Those were the longest twelve minutes of my life.  
“Command, mission success!” I said, cheers and applause erupted from the speaker in my right ear. The cheers continued for another five minutes, during which I stared in awe at the section of the planet which was currently visible through the display windows; the Americas listed past me as my mind set about the laborious task of understanding the sheer scale of what I was seeing. I’d return a celebrity, my name will be recorded for all of human history, generations will know my story and my accomplishments, but at that moment I had never felt so small.  
“Leland do you copy? Over.”  
“I copy Command, over.” I said, mind still hazy with disbelief and the bizarre sensation of zero gravity.  
“Perform all post-launch inspections and safety precautions, after the vessel has been confirmed secure you are to begin preparations for experiment one-a come tomorrow. After preparations are complete, the rest of today is yours. Congratulations doctor, enjoy the view from up there. Over.” I thanked him and the static, which had grown since launch, cut out and all was silent. I had never truly known silence until that moment, it was almost unbearable. I performed my safety checks which took about two hours to complete and re-complete just for certainty’s sake, the command platform was now in the “down” position and I was arranging some supplies for the experiment I would be beginning tomorrow. The primary objective of this mission was to study how the human body reacts to prolonged exposure to zero gravity and the isolation of space, but secondary objectives included performing experiments on many types of plants in space. Tomorrow I would be preparing the mulch and planting the seeds.  
With the experiment prepped, I rolled out some food storage, found a bag of peanuts and laughed to myself. I took my snack, pushed off the wall and drifted up the rocket to the display windows. Seeing Earth floating beneath me still invoked intermittent waves of nausea, but I could feel my body slowly adapting to its new surroundings. Asia rolled past and I tried to contact Jane but got no response. I decided to try again once the Americas came around once more.  
One hour later, I tried to contact Jane.  
“Time to test your geeks Jane, can you hear me.” I waited. No response. “Come on Jane…” Still nothing. “I guess my skepticism was well placed.” There was a loud POP!  
“You can shove your skepticism space-man.” Jane said, her voice crystal clear in my left ear.  
I laughed, “Well I’ll be damned, you sound better than Command does.”  
“Atomic’s the future old man. How was it?” Her voice was overflowing with excitement. “Tell me all about the launch. What does zero gravity feel like? Can you still feel where up is?”  
“Whoa whoa, slow down.” I chuckled and recounted the launch to her, she didn’t say anything but I knew that she was listening intently. We continued to talk logistics and proclaim out various disbeliefs until she slowly drifted out of the impressive range of the atomic enhanced radio waves. I began one of the many novels that I had brought along with me until I had trouble keeping my eyes open any longer. I pulled out my sleeping quarters, crawled into the sleeping bag and secured myself to the wall. In my mind I was upright, but my body felt no gravity and therefore was as relaxed as if I were laying down. It did not take me long to fall asleep.

ONE YEAR LATER 

I awoke to the gentle rhythmic vibrations of my sleeping bag, it was programmed to wake me during a lull in my REM cycle which allowed me to wake easily each and every morning. A small monitor on the wall opposite me read: “Good morning Doctor, today is July 17, 1968. The time is 05:43.” in tinted green letters, one year huh? Halfway there. I undid the belts which held me in place, slid open my door, and threw myself into the cylindrical lower half I designated “the living room”, I toppled end over end but landed expertly on the balls of my feet. I rummaged for a water bag, squeezed some into the air and drank from the floating globules. I opened the half-circle compartment and climbed onto the bulky exercise bike which doubled as a sweaty body-condom.  
Whoever designed this exercise bike had undoubtedly the best of intentions, I know that, but they left one crucial variable out of their equations: sweat. No one told me that actually working up a sweat in this thing causes the thin rubber it’s made out of to shrink from the body heat and slide around and squeak with every little movement, so yes, a sweaty body-condom. I know they tested it, since we can’t create an anti-gravity environment on Earth, all equipment must be tested underwater as it is the closest replication of a zero gravity environment. It works well, it allows me to exercise my muscles and avoid atrophy, but that water was lukewarm and didn’t shrink at all.  
So each morning, I bike my way around the Earth below me. By 06:15 I’ve passed the Arc de Triomphe, around 06:25 I’m flying over Petra, 06:40 the Taj Mahal. It was a strange feeling, my mind would intermittently picture a cartoonish set of pulleys running from my bike to the Earth as if I was the sole power behind it’s gargantuan rotation. I bet Atlas would trade his boulder for a bike anyday, sweaty body-condom and all.  
Once Jane and I had established radio connection on the day of the launch, she commissioned another to be cooked up in the R and D department, it took about two months but now I have three channels of communication; Command, Jane, and Emma. After I bathe, shave and eat, I call Emma and spend a half-hour talking to her before getting to work on my experiments. I flicked on my comm line to Emma and immediately heard Adam’s coo’s in the background.  
“Morning.” I heard a clink of silverware hitting a dish, I think I startled her. “Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.” North America drifted by and I stared at Texas, at Emma and Adam.  
“You did a little actually,” She didn’t sound mad. “We are running a little behind schedule today because somebody pooped their pants immediately after getting dressed.” Adam laughed in the background. “Be glad there’s no baby poop up there. It’s potent.”  
I laughed, “I wouldn’t mind a little stink if it meant I got to see him. You say his teeth are growing in?”  
“Yeah, he’s only got seven left. You’ll be amazed at how big he’s gotten. We’re heading to Mabel’s in a couple minutes, her little girl loves Adam, they play for hours while Mabel and I gossip.”  
“Sounds like a real win-win. I won’t keep you, I love you both. We’re halfway done, I’ll be home soon.”  
“I love you too Lee.”  
I clicked the channel off and pushed the kitchen back into the wall. Careening to the opposite wall, I opened the laboratory compartment and a miniature garden bloomed from the wall in a tidal wave of green. It turns out it’s not only possible to grow plants in a zero gravity environment, but they actually thrive in it. I have successfully grown potatoes, carrots, tomatoes. lettuce, cucumbers, peas, watermelon, and even some flowers. I recorded my observations and went about the task of caring to each individual plant’s needs. While watering the hydrangeas, I thought I saw something flick past the corner of my eye, right outside a small viewport. Maybe some debris or small meteor, either option was concerning. Even debris the size of an apple would cause devastating damage upon collision at these speeds, unfortunately there isn’t really anything I can do about it at this point so I try to push it out of my mind. However, this task became increasingly more difficult as the day progressed.  
As I was performing the daily maintenance checklist for the generators, nuclear power cells, oxygen production systems, emergency thrust engines, and auxiliary power controls I heard a faint but distinct, metallic tap tap tap of something on the outer hull. I immediately assumed that the hull had come into contact with the mysterious debris caught in orbit with me, but that wasn’t right. I listened again; tap tap tap, it was rhythmic, three taps then pause, three taps then pause. At this point, my head was pressed against the cold metal of the wall, and I followed the taps as they moved upwards along the body of the rocket. The taps were now echoing through the living room, I couldn’t tell if they were getting louder or if that was just my imagination. The sound moved toward a closed viewport and I set my hand on the controls, waiting till whatever it is reaches the center of the window. Tap tap tap, tap tap tap, tap ta- Now! I threw the switch, the viewport opened, light from the Earth illuminated the living room but there was nothing else to see. I stared out the window for nearly ten minutes, convinced that something would show itself but nothing ever did. I returned to work with my ears perked for any unfamiliar sounds.  
The rest of the day however, passed uneventfully. The rocket was in great condition, the plants were thriving, and the mission was going off without a hitch. Command asked me to record daily logs in the hopes of gathering information on the psychology of a man in such an extreme case of isolation, I didn’t mind doing them. I found the daily logs to be a moral boost of sorts, I think it has something to do with the fact that the logs were the only time I ever spoke, aside from the occasional remark or curse, my voice was often hoarse at the beginning of each log so it quickly became a habit of mine to brew some tea beforehand. There I sat, tea in a thermo-safe drink pouch, Earth behind me, and my notes in front of me.  
I cleared my throat, “Day three hundred sixty-five, 19:27 CDT. Experiments one through fourteen remain promising, the flowers in particular have surpassed all of my expectations. An orbiting greenhouse may be more of a possibility than I originally thought, so sorry for laughing at the suggestion Roberts.” I smiled and sipped from a bubble of tea suspended to my side. “Sure is quiet up here. Next idiot you rope into doing this better have at least some music to listen to. It’s one hell of a view though.” The monitor in front of me acted as a mirror and I stared at Earth through it. “Well it was quiet, until I was performing the maintenance checklist and I heard a-” I stopped mid sentence and squinted at the screen. I moved my face closer until my nose was practically touching the screen. Tap tap tap. I whipped around and looked through the viewport. Nothing, save for the Earth and a whole lot of black. I turned back and faced the camera once more, I saw the stunned look on my face and paused the recording. I rewound the footage and replayed it, I saw my frantic turn towards the window and rewinded two seconds. My forehead took up the majority of the screen as I was leaning in on the screen itself, but the viewport in the background was still in view. I zoomed in, the resolution blurred slightly. Atomic fucking coffee pots but no nuclear cameras yet? I thought I could see the outline of something in the window but the resolution was too poor to make it out well. I dimmed the screen and as I did so, a shape began to form on the screen; the shadow of a sphere against the black of space, nearly invisible yet impossible to miss. It was a perfect sphere with what appeared to be… an antenna on top?  
At that moment, everything that was not secured lurched violently to one side, hot tea splashed into my eyes and pooled around my face as I slammed against the metal wall, the wall knocked the breath out of me and my face burned. I frantically wiped the cloud of hot tea from my face and gasped for air, unable to pull any in, for one soul-seizing moment I thought my oxygen supply took a hit but my breath finally returned. I heard many objects hit the wall next to me and something metal grazed off my shoulder. I looked around frantically, fully expecting to see a breach in the hull and to hear blaring sirens but all was silent and still. There was no leak. Then what the hell just happened? I launched myself towards the viewport, eyes still red and blurry, and peered out of it. The Earth was still there, slowly spinning beneath me. Slow… so slow. I spent every morning racing around the globe, I knew how fast it rotated and it had now slowed to a crawl… but that’s impossible! That’s… Then I noticed it. The little black orb with the antenna on top, staring at me with its glowing blue dot in a simulacrum of an eye. I blinked. It blinked as well. A small appendage extended from its side and tap tap tapped on the viewport.  
“What…” The thing cocked sideways as if it could hear me. Can it hear me? Was this some sort of other R and D prototype? No, this was way beyond whatever they’re cooking up down there, but then what the hell is it? My gaze drifted past the thing tapping on the glass and returned to the Earth. I immediately remembered more pressing matters than the mysterious metal ball. I launched myself over to the main control panel and surveyed the read-outs. Every light was green, every system was online and functioning properly, by all means nothing was wrong, however our total acceleration read 0 km/hr. But… that’s impossible! If that were true, the rocket would be currently plummeting towards Earth, it must be some sort of system glitch. But the Earth was turning so slow it was make sense if-  
No! Actually, none of this makes sense, and it all started with that stupid ball. I glanced towards the window and found no sign of it. I tried to contact Control via comms, but I received only static in return. Tap tap tap. Jesus Christ, what now? I followed the sound and was now gazing out of the launch bay windows, the ball was now sitting on top of the rocket. Its appendage was waving at its side as if to tell me to come closer. I did. I placed my hands against the glass and got a good look it.  
Its body was perfectly smooth, black in color, reflecting the Earth, and nearly invisible against the black void behind it. A single snaking crease encircled the thing and separated it into two segments. In the center, a small blue dot bounced from side to side, up and down and I realized that it was evaluating me. The fluid motion of its “eye” gave off an unnerving semblance of life. The blue eye blinked twice and turned bright green, it pushed off the window with its appendage and… actually waved goodbye. The light from its green eye began to spin around the snaking crease in its body, going faster and faster and faster until a solid green ring became visible. Just after it hit full speed, the thing shot away from Earth in an electric green arc and disappeared from sight.  
“What. The. Fuck was that?” I asked myself. I signaled command. “Command do you read?”  
Static.  
“Command!”  
Still static.  
I tried Jane’s comline and found no static but still got no response. Shit. I called Emma.  
She answered on the third ring, “Someone’s feeling talka-”  
“Emma listen to me! I need you to get to Command.”  
“Wha-t? Why would-” She stammered.  
“My comms are down, no one is answering, and I just… saw something.”  
I heard the sound of a cup or a plate breaking on the other line, “What do you mean ‘something’?”  
I returned to the computer and resumed recording my video log. “There’s no time Emma! I need you to tell them to fix the comms, I have a potential unknown variable that they have to know about. You must do this Emma!” I saw my reflection on the monitor and squinted. My hair was rising and standing on end, on my arms and even on my legs.  
Multiple sirens and flashing lights began to blare from the control panel, “Oh what now?” I flung myself towards the panel.  
“Emma please, you have to do this. Okay?”  
“Okay. I will, just… are those alarms? What’s going on?” She was panicking but I could hear that she was on the move. I hope she doesn’t crash the car.  
“I don’t know what’s going on, that’s why I need Command!” I reached the panel, our acceleration still read 0 km/hr, but the electromagnetic field monitors were off the charts. I returned to the window fully expecting to see my new spherical friend tap tap tapping away at the window. Instead, many things happened at once; both the Command comlink in my right ear and Jane’s comlink in my left emitted deafening feedback, every light on the rocket went black, and all of my understanding of how the universe works flew right out the proverbial window.  
A green pinprick of light ballooned from the darkness growing in both size and luminescence until my eyes couldn’t take it anymore, and then it happened: space itself broke in front of my eyes. Ripped apart like a piece of paper. One second there was blinding light and the next second a hulking mass loomed from the darkness and came to a sliding halt. I was staring at the worst case scenario of this mission, we passed over this possibility as though it were a joke but now I am sure that I am going to die.  
The alien craft looked alive, a pearlescent sheen reflected off it’s many shifting parts, I could see no windows of any kind, only a dark chromatic shell around this prodigious vessel. I realized that my comms were silent and that the sound I was hearing was the ringing in my ears.  
“Command do you copy!”  
Nothing, not even static.  
“Command, this is bad. This is really really fucking bad. Code Interloper. I repeat: Code. Interloper.”  
Nothing. Zip. Zilch.  
“Jane! Emma!”  
Nope.  
“Somebody tell me you can hear this, somebody needs to hear this. We are not alone.”  
The gargantuan vehicle listed towards the sixteen million dollar technological wonder which now sat motionless and helpless before it. Two panels slid open to reveal a devastatingly bright and burning light which swallowed me in its dragon-like breath. Then there was only darkness.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Emma raced through neighborhoods and peeled out onto a brief stretch of highway. Adam screamed in the back seat but at the speeds she was going, Emma knew it wouldn’t be smart to take her hand off the wheel to comfort him.  
Leland’s voice crackled and came through the radio in stuttering bursts, “-mmand do you copy? - is bad. This is rea- ucking bad! Code Interloper, I -peat, Code. Interloper.” After that, the radio was silent.  
UNASA’s security checkpoint dropped its barrier and a man in the booth waved frantically for her to stop, Emma stomped on the gas and broke through the barrier, her car sliding to a halt at the main entrance. She dashed out of the car, ripped Adam from his seat and took off for Command. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Command was chaos as everyone worked to re-establish a connection to Doctor Leland Scott and to analyze the incredible burst of electromagnetic energy that just appeared above the Pacific Ocean. Jane stared at the readout on her computer, this is impossible. The sheer amount of energy that was recorded far surpassed that capable of being produced by the rocket exploding. What could have possibly- There was a commotion outside the door. Multiple men’s voices, one woman’s panicked tones and a baby? Jane went towards the commotion.  
“Emma? What are you doing here?” Jane asked as she motioned for the security guards to back off of her. “It’s okay I know her.”  
“But she doesn’t have clearance ma’am.” One of the guards interjected.  
“It’s Leland!” Emma said, “He contacted me five minutes ago, give or take, there were sirens and alarms and he made me promise to come to Command and let you know. He said ‘Code Interloper’, I’ve never heard him so shaken up!”  
Jane’s face drained of blood. “Emma,” she said calmly, “are you positive that those are the exact words that he used?”  
Tears were streaming down Emma’s face as she nodded.  
“God help us.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke, not drifting helplessly through the stars, not engulfed in a roaring cosmic fire, but in my own bed in Houston, Texas, United States of America, Planet Earth, still wearing my spacesuit. I sat up and immediately felt the burden of both gravity and the spacesuit on my neck and abdomen. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and raised myself up to a shaking standing position. There was a knock at the front door. I called out, asking for a little patience, but my throat was so dry it only came out as a croaking whisper. I took one tentative step and the floor came rushing up towards me. It is clear that my exercise regimen was not enough and that my muscles have degraded far more than originally suspected.  
I looked around the room for something to crutch along with when I spotted the wheelchair. I have never owned a wheelchair. It stuck out from my familiar surroundings like a sore thumb.  
There was another knock on the door. I still could not call out.  
I conceded to the wheelchair, crawling and pulling myself up onto it. The wheels felt as though they were stuck in sand but I eventually got them rolling. I exited my bedroom, wondering how I would ever attempt to get down the stairs without breaking my neck but no staircase stood in my way. I was in the kitchen. Directly from the bedroom. My heart began to race as I took in the details of the scene; the pictures were blank, the newspaper on the table was covered in blocks of text, not sentences but line after line of despondent letters and straying punctuation. A cup of water sat on the table and there was a deafening knock at the door which was now directly behind me. I began to sweat and I knew in that moment that I was going to die, unless this was, in fact, death. I drank the water, it was icy and cleared my throat.  
“Hello?” I called out to the knocker as I turned the chair to face the door.  
Another rapid series of knocks was the only response. It sounded excited.  
I took a deep breath and opened the door.

\----------------------------------------------------------

“Aliens?”  
“Yes,” Jane said, “Extraterrestrial life. And your husband told us that they are responsible for this record-shattering explosion of energy. They must be centuries ahead of us technologically! A blast that big could’ve wiped every power grid on the western half of North America if it was much closer.”  
Emma sat on the floor with her back against the wall, her expression strangely devoid of emotion. Adam slept on her chest and she automatically rocked back and forth in a soothing motion for both the baby and herself. “And, where is he?”  
Jane bit her lip. “We don’t know. He’s not showing up on any of our sensors, we have zero readouts on any of the rocket’s vitals. But we have experts working around the clock to re-establish connection.” She crouched before Emma and took her hand. “Everything’s going to be okay.” The words were said in a comforting manner but Emma could still see the helpless fear behind Jane’s eyes.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Beyond the front door of my home was not my porch as I had expected, but rather a long and dazzling ebony hallway, lit from the bottom by blue-tinged light, it stretched on for miles and I felt myself drawn towards it. I was so stunned by the alien architecture that I forgot there had to be a source of the knocking at the door and I nearly tripped over the ball which now stood up to my hip. Stood. The ball was no longer strictly a ball, its body retained the familiar form but it seemed to have sprouted metallic arms and legs, it stood bipedally and stared up at me with a surprised expression. It recovered and gave me a swift gesture of greetings, I was too taken aback to give it an immediate response and ended up giving a delayed wave so as not to be rude. It gestured for me to follow, turned on a dime, and began walking down the hall at a brisk pace.  
At this point, I figured that this machine was a helper of sorts and that it was not an alien itself. Alien technology, absolutely, but technology nonetheless. It must have been created, and judging by the sheer scale of the craft, length of the corridors, and immense height of the ceiling, created by something tremendous.  
I was shot into space with no guarantee of survival, in a rocket held together with screws, welds, and an absurd amount of math, but I have never known true fear until this moment. After my hesitation, the ball was already a staggering pace ahead of me. I guess it would have to move fast to get anywhere in a place as expansive as this. I took off after it in my wheelchair which, thankfully, rolled with little resistance on this smooth and dark surface. I cursed the fact that I had been focusing entirely on lower body strength over the past year when I ended up needing the exact opposite in the paramount moment of my life.  
By the time I caught up with the ball, I was covered in sweat and panting hard. I fell into its rhythmic step with moderate difficulty but soon enough we were racing down the hallway. In my focus to catch up I failed to notice the doors which began to line the hallway. They were of all shapes and sizes, doors of maple and doors of ash, sliding glass and revolving doors, even some doors that were not doors, cabinets, cupboards, and even an emergency escape hatch one would see aboard an airplane. I looked over my shoulder and in the growing distance my own front door stared back at me. What the hell is this place?

\------------------------------------------------------------

“I don’t know sir! None of our sensors are picking up anything in orbit anymore, but we caught a glimpse of what caused it.” There was silence before the man’s voice continued. “Massive sir. If the brief readings we received are to be believed, its roughly the size of North America.” Another pause. “Nothing! We should be able to see something that big without a God damn telescope but it's just gone!”  
Jane had heard enough. She had hoped that eavesdropping on Webb’s call with Kennedy would provide her with some information she hadn’t already known but it seemed that everyone was at a loss. She had tried the radio at least a dozen times in the feeble hopes of a miracle, but she received no response. The only thing holding Emma together right now was caring for the baby, Jane feared for when he fell asleep and Emma’s hands would become idle.  
A young man with wild eyes rounded the corner and practically ran towards her. “Doctor, we got it!” He brandished a scattering of papers before him. “We’ve scoured our orbit and found nothing because it isn’t in orbit!” He handed Jane a blurry photograph and she grew stoic. “We jettisoned remaining fuel on one of the thirteen observation satellites which spun it enough to snap this image before it burned up in the atmosphere. It was Fyodor’s idea, he assured us that it was worth the risk.”  
“It looks like he was correct.” Jane mused and turned back towards James Webb’s office, if she was lucky, the President was still on the line.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

The ball took a sudden right turn and I rolled past it about twenty feet before noticing. It had turned and gone through a large pair of sliding doors which had shut behind it. Without the clink clank of the ball’s brisk walk down the hallway, everything was quiet save for a soft, nearly imperceptible hum which I felt more than I had heard. Countless questions were screaming through my head but I ignored them and pressed on after the ball in fear of getting lost in a sea of doorways.  
The door slid open and after the dark atmosphere of the hallway, I was surprised to be bathed in pale natural light. A circular room spread out before me, a massive wall of switches and machinery dominated one third of the room, but the remainder of the wall-space was an observation deck which displayed an off-white horizon in a vast panorama. I was so shocked that I failed to notice the hunched figure standing in the center of the room. The ball approached the figure and gestured in my direction. The figure lifted an arm and patted the ball in a seemingly affectionate manner before turning to face me.  
From this distance, the figure appeared to be an elderly albeit large human. It hobbled its way across the room towards me and after a moment's hesitation I rolled forward to meet it. The closer I got, the more obvious it was that this being was no human. It was humanoid in shape but its tawny skin hung loosely from its muscle which was still considerable despite the being’s obvious age. It was no wonder this being was so hunched over. Each step caused twinges of pain to show on the thing’s face, its bright yellow eyes squinted in effort.  
We sat roughly five feet apart, each of us taking a moment to fully examine the other. It opened its mouth and spoke to me in a smooth and patient voice. “Hello.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

The voice came from the radio sitting on Jane’s desk. She snatched it up and held it to her face, “Hello?! Leland! Leland is that you?” Silence. She looked over her shoulder to see Emma on her feet as well, Adam asleep on her shoulder.  
Emma gasped. “Was that him?!”.  
Jane opened a panel on the radio and fiddled with some wires before snapping it shut again. “I don’t know, it didn’t really sound like him. But I guess It’s not out of the question to assume it was interference of some sort.” Leland cleared his throat. “Uh, hello.” There was a brief pause. “You speak English?” She froze mid-movement and turned to face Emma. Jane’s expression was mostly one of panic but underneath that was a clearly visible sense of awe.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

The sagging creature looked me over once more and produced what sounded like a bag full of rocks bouncing together, I believe it was chuckling. I wasn’t sure if it was my question or perhaps my entire being that this entity was laughing at but I was relieved nonetheless. Laughter is typically a good first impression, or so I hoped.  
I returned the smile and it spoke in soothing tones. “I know all of your languages, but I focused my attention on English after I learned that the envoy would be an Amican male.”  
Now I was laughing. “American” I corrected gently.  
“My apologies.” It said with a slight bow. “Now come, I doubt you came here to discuss Linguistics. Let us talk.” For the first time, I noticed the being was holding a short walking stick which it now tapped the floor three times with. The ball came scurrying over. “ Set it at point five G’s, hopefully he will be more comfortable then.” The ball nodded and ran off to the wall of buttons and switches. Its legs extended until the ball was well over twelve feet tall, it turned a blue dial and threw a black switch next to it. I immediately felt the oppressive weight of gravity lessen and I drew a deep breath of relief. I found that I was able to get to my feet and actually stay there now.  
“Thank you, those chairs make me uneasy.” I said as I followed its slow pace to where it was originally standing.  
“Oh? Why is that?”  
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the being, I was curious as to the evolutionary benefits of the extra skin which dragged on its frail form. “I suppose because they are used by the sick and lame. Or maybe I don’t like the idea of not having full control.” I shrugged. “I’ve never really given it that much thought if I’m being honest.”  
There was a moment of silence before the being spoke, “Before we begin, I have some questions for you as I am sure you also have questions for me, but there are some things that must be clarified immediately.” We stopped walking. “We have record of a Federation political envoy being shot down in 1947 above Roswell, New Mecixo. Explain to me why.”  
“You mean that was actually aliens?” I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to tell you, you’re asking the wrong guy. I’ve never been in control of decisions like that. That’d be the Air Force I’ve only ever worked for NASA, er UNASA.”  
“Take your best guess then.” It insisted/  
“I, uh, assume we were scared.”  
“Fear?” It spat. “The craft had done nothing to elicit such a response. Does all of humanity react with violence when faced with the unknown?”  
“Well yeah, but not everyone.” I said.  
“I see.” The being said. “That is a disheartening start.”  
“Start? Start of what?” I asked.  
“You have absolutely no idea what is going on, do you?” Several of the loose flaps of skin inflated and deflated, each one producing a flatulent noise while doing so. The same deep rumbling I had heard before coming from it’s gut, much louder this time. It was laughing. Not a chuckle this time, it was laughing its flappy ass off.  
I couldn’t help but smile. “Care to uh, fill me in?” This set the being on another fit of laughter.  
“Now that is the proper response to the unknown!” It exclaimed. “A smile and an eagerness to learn. Maybe things aren’t quite so bleak for Humanity. The envoy’s message was this: ‘Human technology will be powerful enough within the next twenty years as to allow Humans to leave Earth. Once this has been successfully accomplished Humanity must undergo a trial, as have countless intelligent species before. Choose a delegate to fulfill this trial. If successful, Humanity may join the intergalactic community. If failed, Humanity and its threat to the intergalactic community will be eradicated.’ So here you are, twenty years later. The most important moment in Humanity’s existence and you don’t have a single clue as to what’s going on. That is what I find humorous.”  
My own sense of humor was lost in the frigid pool growing in my stomach. I was light headed, I felt the blood drain out of my face at the word ‘eradicated’. I could hear myself stuttering but the words sounded like they were coming from someone else’s mouth. “B-but I’m n-n-no delegate. I’m in no p-position to stand for anyone but myself!”  
The alien paused for a moment in contemplation of what I had said. “An interesting point. It would be ridiculous to judge a species by examining the individual, I have lived for eons but not even I have enough patience for that. And yet, you are no delegate, you do not speak for the inhabitants of Earth but merely an inhabitant. A slice of the pipe I believe the saying goes. So stand before me and be judged for your actions alo- on second thought you should take a seat, you look as though you’ll faint.”  
The alien was right, I hadn’t noticed due to the lowered gravity but I was definitely swaying. My hands found the armrests of the wheel chair behind me and I lowered myself into it once more. What had I said earlier about the chair? ‘Maybe I don’t like the idea of not having full control’? I didn’t have even the slightest amount of control this whole time, that damned rocket was nothing more than a gargantuan wheelchair. The room was spinning, the white barren landscape before me brought on a sickening vertigo. I leaned over the side of my chair and vomited.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Jane had run off with the radio muttering something about Kennedy after that thing with Leland starting talking. Emma couldn’t believe any of this was happening. Why did it have to be him? Of all the brilliant people here why did they have to choose Leland? This was her fault, she had tried to make him stop, stop and think about the baby, but he wouldn’t have any of it. So sure. He was so sure that everything would go according to plan but of course it didn’t. She could’ve tried harder. A dozen nights spent arguing, never shouting at one another as Adam was asleep down the hall, but always crying together in the end. No progress made on her part, just frustrating tears. But not now, no more tears now. Besides, Adam had finally fallen asleep against her and crying would only wake him.  
People were bustling around trying to reset computers and arrays and that big wall with all the flashing lights. The room went dark when that ship did whatever it did, but it was a long couple of moments before the emergency generators came on and the room was brightened if only a little by the emergency bulbs. One of the few women who were in the room came over to Emma with a paper cup of coffee and an itchy blanket. She had thanked her and tried her best to get comfy. She imagined there was going to be a lot of waiting to do.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

The device was on my head before I had recovered from the initial shock of the situation. It wrapped around my chin reminding me of a bulky motorcycle helmet that was two sizes too big. It radiated heat, almost to the point of pain but not quite, I could feel the electricity bouncing around in anticipation.  
“What the hell is this thing?” I asked.  
“I suppose you could imagine it as a memory extractor of sorts. I have not had the opportunity to use it in many millennia.” I heard excitement clear in its voice. “My species live hundreds of millennia and as such we are very patient beings, but I think this will be much quicker.”  
The memory thing on my head hummed with excitement, building in both heat and noise. I yelled as the machine seemed to melt through the very skin and bone of my head, then all went black once more.

I dreamed of our old apartment, always so hot and stuffy. Emma never minded the heat but I couldn’t stand it, she always claimed that we could never find the perfect place to live because of this.  
“There’s plenty of places that stay somewhere in the middle! Montana is gorgeous and I hear it stays pretty cool there.” I said.  
“I don’t want some ranch-house, I wanna raise my kids in a suburb where they can play with their friends. Besides Montana has bears!” She replied.  
“What kind of man would I be if I couldn’t fight off a bear or two?”  
She rolled her eyes. “You? Take on a bear?”  
“Sure. I’d do anything to protect my kids.” 

I came back around as the memory extractor was retreating into the ceiling above. My head pounded as though I’d been on a three-day drinking binge. I winced when the being across from me spoke.  
“You’ve lead a successful life Leland.”  
“What all did you see?” I asked.  
“Everything. In a single instant I have lived your life, experienced your experiences, bled from your wounds, and now it is time to atone for all the sins you have committed.”  
The window before us magnified Earth in stunning quality, it surely must’ve been a trick of my eye but I swear I could see miniscule specks of airplanes making their way around the globe. I saw all that was at stake before me as my trial began. Humanity was resting on my shoulders.  
“Sin number one: August nineteenth, nineteen thirty-nine Waystone Elementary Academy, your fellow classmate Gregory Miles possessed a set of coloring pencils that were far superior to your own, while he was unaware you swapped the pencils and didn’t say anything as he began to accuse Alan Richards of stealing them. You committed this sin in full awareness of your actions. How do you plead?”  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jane stormed out of the office and back to her laboratory. The damned radio was malfunctioning, she could still hear Leland and the alien speaking but it was in strange and broken haikus. Kennedy was on the line with Brehznev and wouldn’t listen to her until the prototype had been fixed. But that was the thing with prototypes, they were far from perfect and only its creator actually knew what makes it tick. She changed her course and ran towards the R and D department. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emma heard a hurried clacking of heels while she was pacing in the hallway with Adam, he had gotten fussy in the past hour. Jane rounded the corner and almost crashed into the woman and her baby.  
“Emma! Jesus, I’m sorry.” She was already looking over her shoulder and she continued on her way.  
“Wait, Jane!”  
“No time!” She called out, “Follow me! I need to fill you in!”  
Emma jogged after Jane, Adam began to cry as he was being jostled around more severely than he had wanted to be. His cries echoed off the linoleum floors as they ran to R and D.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The alien rattled off “sins” of a similar caliber for what felt like a lifetime. My lifetime in fact. Elementary school was full of childish pranks, general restlessness, petty squabbles and pointless grudges. Middle school and high school passed by in a particularly… embarrassing and pubescent series of sins, but it wasn’t until my early twenties that we had encountered my first true sin.  
“Sin number one hundred ninety-seven April twenty-fifth, nineteen fifty-six,” It continued. “Angler’s Reef coastline, Emma first asked if you love her and you lied to her; you said ‘yes’. You committed this sin in full awareness of your actions. How do you plead?”  
“Guilty, but I do love her now!”  
“Why lie if you did not at the time?”  
“I knew that if I was honest, told her that I wasn’t sure if I loved her yet, she probably would have left. We were together for five months at that point but I wasn’t completely sure yet. I could see it on her lips each time we parted ways, barely able to hold the words in, but I kept on wishing that she wouldn’t say it.”  
The being nodded but not in understanding.  
When sin number two hundred twenty-nine came around I knew we had reached my deepest held regret, the one thing I would change if I could somehow go back in time. The only mild comfort I had lie six feet underground with the predatory scum that did it to her. My second biggest regret was that I had not put him in that coffin myself.  
“Sin number two hundred twenty-nine September nineteenth, nineteen sixty-one B-line number one-zero-seven public bus. You ignored the peril of a young girl from the man three aisles behind her. You decided to leave her to her fate and her body turned up a week later, abused both physically and sexually. You committed this sin with full awareness of your actions. How do you plead?” Its voice was calm and perfectly accusatory.  
Hot tears welled out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. It was my fault. This innocent child had her life ripped from her after undergoing God knows what and it was all my fault. I had thought about saying something to him, I noticed he hadn’t taken his eyes off of her in three stops now and his look gave me goosebumps. But I didn’t say a thing. I could’ve sat between her and him or stay riding and make sure she got home safely. But I didn’t do a thing. I told myself that I was overreacting, surely this girl had a parent or older sibling waiting for her at the stop and nothing would happen to her while the bus driver is also here. My stop was next, I gave one look back at the girl reading her book and the man behind her before stepping off the bus. A mother’s life had been shattered and left barren and it was all my fault.  
I tasted my tears as I said, “Guilty.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the R and D boys was hunched over the radio for hours, it still spoke in its strange haikus, telling them all segmented tales from Leland’s childhood. At one point the radio said the word “masturbation” so many times that all three of them had to take a break to laugh away a great deal of pent up stress. The radio was fully functional again in the middle of sin 229 and a somber pall fell over the once jubilant room  
“Did you know about this?” Jane asked.  
“I had no idea.” Emma was shocked. “I thought he would’ve told me something like that…”  
They could hear Leland crying when Jane thanked the technician and said “Maybe Kennedy will listen to me now. I hope we have enough time.”  
As if in response the alien spoke, “I believe I am ready to pass my judgment on you Leland Scott.”  
Jane kicked off her heels and the two women ran.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn’t shake the horrible image of the Egyptian god Anubis plucking me, ant-like, out of the billions and placing me on his Scales, weighing my soul and determining whether or not I am cast into the Underworld.  
“You have lead far from a perfect life but I have yet to meet a species that does so. Flaws are to be expected. Mistakes are to be expected. Repentance is not always given. In your case, you accept your sins and recognize them as such, your sins become a part of you as you grow and your repentance shapes you into a better being. If all humans are as you are, Humanity has a bright future ahead of it.” The folds of its face rearranged in what I assumed was a smile.  
Relief washed over me in such a strong wave that if I had been standing, I am sure I would have collapsed.  
“Then, Humanity is safe? We passed the test?”  
There was a moment of silence before it said, “Well, “ My heart sank into the soles of my feet. “Not quite. I have judged you alone based on these strange circumstances but my duty still remains, I must pass judgement on Humanity as a whole. I will conduct my own investigation.” The judge raised its hand and the image of Earth exploded forward once more, except, that wasn’t right. Earth stayed exactly where it was. It was the ship that shot forward at the speed of light and came to a halt directly in front of the planet. Leland hadn’t even felt the ship move. It lifted two sagging arms and a pair of armatures extended out of the ship and plucked a satellite out of orbit. ‘Oh dear God,’ I thought, ‘It’ll see everything.’  
“What did you see?” I asked  
“Everything. In a single instant I have lived your life, experienced your experiences, bled from your wounds, and now it is time to atone for all the sins you have committed.”  
I think I’m going to vomit again.  
Tendrils of wires and probes snake their way into the satellite filling it to burst, an arc of electricity ran up the armatures and the screen before us flashed with thousands of books, images, names, places, political histories, global disasters. Flashes of slavery, murder, corruption, adultery, terrorism, epidemics, dictatorships, propeganda, discrimination, genocide, arson, and at the end: two very large bombs.  
The judge trembled as it took in the history of mankind. Our petty squabbles, our capacity for deceit, every battlefield we left drenched in blood, but most of all it saw our tendency to greet the unknown with hostility and the intent to kill. Humanity was doomed.  
“Revolting!” It cried, “Barbaric. Your people are nothing more than repugnant apes clawing at one another until nothing remains.”  
“But not everyone!” I begged. “Not all of us are the cause of what you see. These are all the results of the wrong people being in positions of power. Most people are good, most people are like me!”  
“Yet these ‘wrong people’ continue to be put in places of power by your own people, Humanity is doomed to continue this cycle until all is not but dust.”  
“What about our current leadership?” I asked.  
“What of it?”  
“The two major powers of the world have reached an understanding and have agreed to peace. Doesn’t that glimmer of hope at least buy us some time?” I was nearly shouting. “We’ve got it right this time.”  
The judge laughed. Not in the same jovial tones as before but in a sardonic way, an almost pitying way. Almost.  
“You truly believe that there is peace? You truly have faith in this peace agreement between these leaders?” I nodded.  
“Would you bet your species on it?”  
There was no other choice.  
“Yes.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The President has been moved to an underground shelter!” Jane was shouting to Emma as they pushed their way through the crowd of people fleeing UNASA, trying desperately to return to their loved ones, to possibly die with their loved ones. “I think we should do the same.”  
“Is there one here?” Emma shouted.  
“More or less. It’s a bunker for technicians and engineers to evacuate into in case of a rocket detonation or similar disaster. I’m not sure how much it can hold but it’s our only option.”  
Emma held Adam tighter and pushed onwards behind Jane. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The arc of electricity returned down the armatures and back into the satellite, within minutes launch codes for the United States nuclear weapons ran across the screen.  
“No.” I whispered.  
“One missile, that’s all I’ll send. If this treaty is as strong as you say it is then the missile will be shot out of the air by the Soviet Union and all will be chalked up to a terrible mistake. But if I am right about Humanity, then your species will destroy itself.”  
A missile silo appeared on screen, the bay door slowing swinging wide as sirens scream in warning.  
“Let the real test begin.” The judge said as it launched the missile.  
I threw myself at the judge, punching and kicking, trying to break its connection to the silo. Its folds of skin inflated immediately making the judge as solid as obsidian. It swung an arm lazily and I came crashing to the ground ten feet away.  
“Do not do this Leland!” It roared. “You are pure and I have no desire to kill you.”  
From the sharp stabs at my side, I assumed multiple ribs had just broken but I managed to get to my feet and shout, “I can’t just sit back as you kill everyone!” On the screen, the missile rocketed out of the silo and course-corrected toward the Soviet Union.  
The judge punched the air in front of him and I went flying backwards at the speed of a freight train, I burst through the door into the seemingly endless hallway of doors. Doors flew past me in multicolored blurs. I saw my own front door rapidly approaching me and I raised my arms in a brace for impact. I slammed into the door… and found myself floating in the living room of the rocket. I wasn’t injured save from the slap the judge gave me. I didn’t have time to wonder about how I got here, I tried the door back onto the alien ship but found it sealed tight. Through the window in the door I saw the ball. It made eye contact with me and its expression dropped to one of sadness and regret.  
“Wait! No! You have to help me!” I banged my fists on the door but the ball did not return. I propelled myself up to the viewport and was able to make out the nuclear missile as it crossed the pacific ocean. A second trail of smoke erupted out of the Soviet Union and intercepted the original missile leaving a supernova above the ocean. I waited with bated breath.  
Then the other missiles came. Dozens of them, hundreds of them, crossing paths in the air as nuclear death erupted all around the globe. Thousands of missiles now making Earth look like a great hornet’s nest, full of hatred and barbed with stingers.  
All I could do was watch. Watch my planet burn, consumed in countless miniature suns. The explosions raged long after anyone could have survived. I assume they were on some automatic protocol. High priority cities were smoldering craters pock-marking the face of the planet. After an hour, the Earth was no more. What sat before him now was a desolite and charred grave bearing all of Humanity.  
Save for me.  
I am the last human alive and it’s all my fault.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EPILOGUE

The judge ended up taking me away from the husk of Earth. I was content to orbit around it until I died of dehydration, starvation, or maybe just slitting my wrists. Instead, I was dragged along with the alien ship into the Galactic web. Where the judge sold me as an oddity. “The last of the Humans.” Here I sit, months(?) later, the prize exhibit in an alien zoo. Except, to them, I’m an alien. Countless shapes and forms of life I could never imagine stare at me through the glass night and day.  
I cannot take it any longer.  
I don’t know why I am writing this, perhaps for history’s sake. Perhaps because I am mad, as no one else reads english aside from the judge. In my heart of hearts I know why I write this. I place my pen to this paper in confession. Confession of my many, many sins.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The security officer in charge of watching Leland’s cell had not noticed him binding together a makeshift rope out of leaves and vines. The officer was not paying attention as Leland pushed the heavy boulder to the top of the precipice in his enclosure. The officer took no notice of Leland tying the rope around the boulder and throwing the rest off the edge.  
The zoo-goers however, saw all of this. Dozens of species watched as the last human being took the crude rope in his hands, lay on the ground, and pulled. The boulder crushed his head instantly, like a watermelon. Leland had atoned for his sins.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sixteen feet below ground, in a dark bunker, the Earth above had finally stopped quaking and from the darkness, a baby cried out.  
END


End file.
